I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My pussy is not your playground.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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