What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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