drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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