someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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