he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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