i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i now understand why vodka
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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