Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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