don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She's the barista slut.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Randomize
