It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
