The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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