this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
