your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My pussy is not your playground.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
