this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you're hired as official boob wrangler
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
