IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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