so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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