I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
