i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
