I think I died a long time ago.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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