this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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