sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
