Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize