So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Randomize
