i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
