How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
