Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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