Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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