May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
