I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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