I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
