I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
