My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
