What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
