He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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