Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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