Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Can I color on your dick again?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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