I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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