And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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