i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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