Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
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She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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