Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
