you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
