Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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