I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
