so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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