i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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