Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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