We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
