saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
