Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
