fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize