you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All the doctor said was why
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
