I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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