I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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