why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
