So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i barfeds in our rink
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
