Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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