Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
