Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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