i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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