i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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