Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
