I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
