I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
