Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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