Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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