why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
