I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
