Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B

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  (508): ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester (1-508): Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B http://tfl.nu/rngn
  Replies (5) Good night (1855) Bad night (750)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.

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  (301): i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man. http://tfl.nu/s3bb
  Replies (1) Good night (809) Bad night (4391)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.

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  (631): Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever. http://tfl.nu/2wq0
  Replies (47) Good night (4849) Bad night (1114)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.

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  (217): Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it. http://tfl.nu/fcdd
  Replies (23) Good night (1064) Bad night (3369)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.

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  (912): if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste. http://tfl.nu/c4ff
  Replies (9) Good night (3279) Bad night (751)
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  (310): View more from California

  He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.

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  (310): He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance. http://tfl.nu/gr0i
  Replies (25) Good night (9381) Bad night (918)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.

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  (937): Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me. http://tfl.nu/l4zf
  Replies (4) Good night (5329) Bad night (995)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him

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  (308): I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him http://tfl.nu/5d11
  Replies (2) Good night (1400) Bad night (784)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.

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  (+27): I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth. http://tfl.nu/8fby
  Replies (7) Good night (891) Bad night (1319)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.

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  (207): Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck. http://tfl.nu/rwsp
  Replies (6) Good night (1163) Bad night (1069)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.

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  (434): Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care. http://tfl.nu/ksws
  Replies (4) Good night (933) Bad night (420)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.

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  (724): If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant. http://tfl.nu/s61d
  Replies (1) Good night (1286) Bad night (459)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.

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  (970): Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way. http://tfl.nu/gitq
  Replies (0) Good night (386) Bad night (729)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!

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  (304): I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!! http://tfl.nu/l5gi
  Replies (2) Good night (334) Bad night (684)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"

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  (516): I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice" http://tfl.nu/h37t
  Replies (0) Good night (578) Bad night (342)

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