I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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