How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it