dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.