Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude