Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital