Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
