there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
