in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
