I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
