Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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