Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
