wrigley field is MILF paradise
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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