I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
