Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
