five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
