He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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