I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
